Ever feel like you’ve gotten too nice?

Sometimes I wake up and wonder where the old asshole version of Viet is. He’s locked up somewhere deep in my belly and I draw on his chakra to get massive amounts of self-confidence without being an asshole. But, let’s let him out and say 5 things I wouldn’t normally say. Just because I can.

1. I don’t consider myself shallow because I know I can fall in love with anybody I talk to, so I avoid talking too much to non-good-looking people just in case I end up falling in love with an ugly person. I don’t date average-looking people with good personalities cause I’m pretty sure I can get someone hot with a good personality if I wait long enough. The question is, does that then make me shallow?

2. I find it really hard to get motivated to go to the gym cause I stopped working out and lost 10 pounds. Also when I get out of the shower and look at myself, I look pretty damn good naked.

3. They should coin a term for the state of being when a girl masters the art of applying the right amount and type of makeup to her face to look her best. It’s like hitting the makeup level cap where you can’t make yourself look any better without getting surgery. Makeup enlightenment.

4. I haven’t had sex for so long I’m starting to wonder if I’m still good at it. I also weep for any girls having constantly disappointing casual sex when we could be doing it and having at least adequate sex instead. Then I remembered that my standards are way too high to hook up with anyone looking for a hookup like that. Catch 22.

5. I’m a firm believer that If you post a lot of stuff on Facebook and no one likes any of them, you should either change what you’re posting or just stop talking. I’m pretty liberal with my likes and if I know that people usually don’t like your stuff, I will often give you pity likes. I can’t do that if all of your posts are hot rancid garbage though.

You can hate me now. I’ll go back to my normal self in the next post.