Haven’t blogged in a long ass time, but now’s as good a time as any. Today I turn 25. I am going to stream of consciousness tell you 25 things I feel worth mentioning that I’ve learned through my 25 years of life. It’ll be unsorted so I hope I don’t run out of steam by the end, but from madness comes brilliance, as it says up there. Hope you can get something out of it.
Dating and relationships:
1. If a relationship is going to work out, it’s almost impossible to fuck up in the early stages. If two people really like each other, they’re gonna end up with each other. If you have to think of the perfect way to talk or act around them, you’re trying too hard, and it’s not gonna work out anyways. This advice only applies if neither of you are shitbags. If you’re a shitbag, you may need to fake that you’re not a shitbag to date someone. It probably still won’t work out though.
2. When you’re in a relationship, your girlfriend doesn’t get mad, she gets madsad. A better word for it is upset. Don’t ask your girlfriend why she’s mad cause she’ll actually get mad that you don’t realize she’s not JUST mad, she’s also sad.
3. If you are a relatively attractive person, at any time, there is a long list of people who would date you if you pursued them. The problem is, you don’t want to date them, and you pursue the people who don’t want to date you. When the two qualities match up, well that’s amore.
4. Nobody’s perfect. Perfection is something you strive for, it’s not something that you can achieve. Telling a girl that she’s perfect is pretty much the stupidest compliment you could give. If a guy tells you you’re perfect, don’t date him, because he’s an idiot. You know you’re not perfect. Why would you date someone who tells you a bold-faced lie?
5. We hate on people who use their beauty to make money or get famous, but we don’t hate on people who use their athleticism or intelligence. I kind of look down on people who rely on their good looks too, but at the end of the day watcha gonna do. Some are blessed with looks, some are blessed with smarts, and here I am blessed with both.
6. If you’re already planning on getting plastic surgery, and your face is super busted, fix your face before you get breast implants. Men are easily distracted by large boobs, but there are some faces even boobs can’t distract you from.
Careers and dreams
7. People often forget that time is worth more than money. You start life with a limited amount of time. You can trade time for money, but you can’t trade money for time. If someone spends a lot of money to experience something that you haven’t experienced, you shouldn’t think that they’re wasting money. If I spend $3000 to go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef, I paid $3000 for the experience. If you wait 20 years before you decide to go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef, it may not even be there anymore. Now you saved $3000 20 years ago, but you will never, ever be able to see it. Who lost out on more? 20 years from now, what’s worth more? $3000 or the experience?
8. My favorite analogy is that life is like climbing a neverending mountain. You got the trust fund kids who got dropped off high up on the mountain, you got the kids who grew up in shitty environments who have to dig themselves out of the dirt before they even ascend the mountain, and you got the rest of us mixed somewhere in between. All you can do is continue to climb. As you climb, you’ll pass other people along the way and you’ll sometimes encounter plateaus. It’s not easy, but if you continue doing your best to move forward, you’re gonna make progress. You can take little stops to look back to see how far you’ve come. The only thing you don’t want to do is to stop moving forward.
9. Referring to actual dreams (the ones you have when you’re asleep): No one wants to hear about your dream. It was crazy to you, because you experienced it. It’s not crazy when you tell it to someone else. Believe me, I’ve murdered and fucked way weirder shit in my dreams than what your dream was about.
Humility, confidence, arrogance, pride
10. Most people find arrogance to be a turn-off. That’s because most people who are full of themselves rub it in other people’s faces. Respect is really the key to getting people to like you. You can be superior without making people feel inferior.
11. I find myself to be one of the most arrogant, proud persons I’ve ever met. I think I’m amazing. In fact, I’m willing to bet that you think I’m as awesome as I think I am. I also don’t think I’ll ever stop thinking this. It’s probably my key character flaw.
12. You can be arrogant and still be loveable. The trick is that you can boost yourself up without putting anyone down. I’ll never put someone down to make myself feel better, because I don’t need to put someone down to make myself better. I can put myself up. I find that being respectful to everyone is really the easiest way to be well-liked.
13. I feel like being a minority allows me to talk more freely about race. I feel bad for white people because they can’t say anything about other races without coming off as racist. I think not being racist also allows me to say anything I want without coming off as offensive.
14. White people are really the most boring people just because they don’t have strong traditions/culture or their own separate language. It’s not really their fault, but if they haven’t integrated some other culture into their life, they’re super boring.
15. I can’t call racism on anyone who says asians all look alike, because when I go to the Great Mall I swear I recognize at least 5 different people. Asians really do look alike. But I also can’t tell white people apart or black people apart.
16. Most people have one or two major insecurities that drive the way they behave. I’m really good at analyzing people and I can usually locate these within a few conversations. If I wanted to, I could say the most soul-crushing, hurtful things to anyone I meet. My power really comes from my lack of desire to say them. Most guys insult their friends non-stop, but will never call them out on these insecurities. Also if you’re in a relationship, never attack your partner’s insecurities unless you really want to end your relationship.
17. Going back earlier to what I said about people hating attractive people, I think it may stem from the fact that everyone thinks they’re smarter than the average, but people are more insecure about their looks and a lot of people don’t think they’re better looking than the average person.
18. Guys care more about unchangeable things like their height and their dick size than actual changeable things like educating themselves. Turns out, a lot of girls actually care about the unchangeable stuff too, so since you’re fucked already Shorty McSmallDick, you might as well start reading some books.
19. You don’t become happy by wanting things. You become happy by accepting the things you do have. I’d be as happy broke as I would be if I were a billionaire. The difference is I’d be happy on the streets vs being happy in my mansion.
20. Short term happiness is easily achievable by lowering your standards. Long term happiness is only achievable by not lowering your standards. I only date people who I can see myself marrying. Not saying I am going to marry them, but why waste your time dating someone shitty?
21. Things not worth arguing with people about because you’ll never change their opinions: politics, religion, drugs, frugality, sexuality. As a side note, it’s hard to explain drugs to someone who hasn’t done drugs without sounding like a drug addict.
22. Fat people underestimate how much they eat and skinny people overestimate how much they eat. The difference between a fast metabolism and a slow metabolism is about 200 calories a day.
23. People who didn’t study science and haven’t tried to educate themselves make the stupidest assumptions about how the world works.
24. You can’t have the highs without the lows. Unhappiness is really the biggest motivator out there if you can fight through the pain. People are way less willing to change themselves or their situation when they’re happy.
25. When you really stop and look around, the scary thing you realize is that no one knows what they’re doing and everyone is just trying their best to make their life work. Your parents don’t know what’s best. Your boss doesn’t know what’s best. Your teachers didn’t know what’s best. Turns out, no one knows shit. In fact, you will never know shit and you will never truly understand life. I find comfort in knowing that no one will ever truly figure out the answers to everything.
Happy birthday to me.