On free time, sex, and ice cream

I’ve talked to a few people and I’ve come to the conclusion that I think about girls way more than most of my other friends do.

Before I go into that though, can I talk about how confusing this age that I’m at is? Should I be dating girls or women? I feel like the term girls is reserved for someone too young and the term women is reserved for someone too old. I finally understand what Britney Spears was going on about in that song of hers when I was in middle school. Not a girl, not yet a woman. We should coin a term for that.

I think about girls and relationships a lot and it’s not because I try to holler at every girl I meet or that I even ask a lot of girls out. It’s also not because I’m emotionally needy or because I have a voracious appetite for sex.

So why?

It’s because I have too much free time. I have a pretty large circle of friends I would consider close friends. Unfortunately in this large circle, the friends I’m closest to are super sedentary. Our time spent together involves eating, talking, playing games, playing sports. Not knocking that at all, cause those are 4 of my favorite activities (and favorites of most guys out there), but I also like a lot of stuff that typical guys do not like or do not like doing with other guys. This puts me in a tough spot. I can either do/go to these things by myself, ask female friends to do/go to these things with me, or I can look for a female whom I can form some type of relationship with.

What activities are hard to do with your bros?

Watching non-comedy, non-action movies. Can a group of guys go watch Despicable Me 2 together? I imagine they can, but I don’t see it happening.

Going to a museum/artsy event/theater show/aquarium/zoo.

Driving somewhere far to go to a free event that is not that interesting in itself. You go to these events because conversation with another person is interesting, and it’s just something you can do while you talk. Unfortunately most guys I know don’t want to just go to a boring event to talk.


The list goes on but I’m sure you got the idea.

I think when you’re dating someone you become much more obligated to do things you wouldn’t enjoy for them. I think this is a good thing cause it adds depth to you as a person when you get out of your comfort zone. But then it becomes a little weird when they made you watch the first three Twilight movies with them and then they break up with you before the fourth one comes out so you’re at a crossroads because you don’t want to watch Twilight by yourself but you also kind of want to know what happens with this stupid supernatural love triangle because hey, you’re already 75% of the way there and you like finishing what you started.

That totally didn’t happen to me. I’m kidding. It did. But I’m glad because the fourth Twilight was the best movie in the series. Best of shit is still shit, so I’m not recommending you go watch it if you haven’t started.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s just my personal problem of not being able to be friends with good looking girls and having them be my activity partners without thinking about having a relationship with them. It’s not like I even think about sleeping with them (most of the time) so I’m not sure what separates them from any other girl. Seems biological to me.

The problem is, I don’t enjoy talking to ugly people as much as I like talking to good looking people. This is for both guys and girls. I think this falls under a cognitive bias called the Halo Effect.

I guess the only alternatives to finding a girl to date if I want to do these things is to find a gay guy who doesn’t want to sleep with me or an ugly girl with a good personality who doesn’t want to sleep with me.

Also, being single kind of sucks when you’re not into casual sex. After talking to some people, I’ve realized that I’ve had a decent amount of propositions for casual sexual encounters from pretty decent-looking girls. Something about not working for it turns me off though. I think I’m training myself for when I’m super ballin and girls throw themselves at me non-stop.

People always say that men are always thinking about sex, but in my case that’s not true. I think about sex very little. The only time I think about sex is when I think I like someone. I use it as a designation of whether I like someone or not. The moment I think about what sex would be like with them, that’s when I know I’m actually into them.

Though so far, it hasn’t exactly worked out. I’ve talked to/gone out with a few different girls and either there’s no magic or the magic is one-way. Most people say dating is a numbers game. You ask out a lot of girls, you’re gonna maintain the same percentage of rejections and the same percentage of success. When you use a small sample size, it’s way easier to fail. I think my success rate would be pretty decent if I just started being less picky.

Sometimes my friends chastise me for not giving some girls a chance. If I don’t feel that spark, I don’t feel that spark. I’m not looking for someone who I think is ok, and I respect when girls reject me because they don’t feel that spark. I can objectively see that they are super cool, but I’m just not into them that way. If that’s how they feel about me, I’m fine with that.

To end this entry: an analogy.

I think looking for someone to date is like being in an ice cream shop with unlimited flavors. Ice cream is pretty damn delicious and there’s a huge variety of flavors. Most people have their favorite flavors of ice cream that they enjoy more than the others, though ice cream is just inherently good for the body. If you want to just go around eating all the different flavors, you’ll probably have a good time. Unfortunately I’m pretty picky with my ice cream flavors so I’m passing on bubblegum and rainbow sherbert.

The approach that I use, is to search for my favorite flavors. There’s not one flavor that works for me, but a slew of them that I find particularly delicious. Mocha almond fudge, pistachio, banana, cookies n cream, mint chocolate chip, coffee. That’s what I’m looking for. Unfortunately you gotta walk down a long ass aisle and look through the glass and try to find the ice cream flavor you like because this ice cream shop is just not very well organized. Along the way, with all the ice cream flavors in front of you, you will be tempted with other flavors. You might even sample some of them. However, if you keep your eyes on the prize, you will get what you want eventually.

To me, there isn’t just one perfect person/flavor out there for you. There are many different ones that you would happily end up with. Someone may be your mocha almond fudge, but to them, you’re just their strawberry. And in other cases, someone’s favorite flavor IS strawberry and you are strawberry to them, but to you, they’re just plain old chocolate. Chocolate’s good and all, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to get it at an ice cream shop.

The trick is not giving up and settling for something that’s good enough, or even worse, for whatever’s in front of you. So I give props to everyone out there who doesn’t settle for someone they’re not enthralled with, even if it means we’re not sleeping together. To everyone out there searching for their favorite flavors, good luck and stay strong.

With that said, after writing all that I’m pretty sure I’m gonna go get some ice cream today.

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