Impermanent Relationships

“It’s hard to start again after a marriage. It’s hard to really look at someone and go “Maybe something nice will happen”. I know too much about life to have any optimism. I know even if it’s nice, it’s going to lead to shit. I know if you smile at somebody and they smile back, you’ve just decided something shitty is going to happen. You might have a nice couple of dates but then she’ll stop calling you back and that’ll feel shitty. Or you’ll date for a long time and she’ll have sex with one of your friends or you will with one of hers and that will be shitty. Or you’ll get married and it won’t work out and you’ll get divorced and split your friends and money and that’s horrible. Or you’ll meet the perfect person who you love infinitely and you even argue well and you grow together and you have children and then you get old together and then she’s gonna DIE. That’s the BEST CASE SCENARIO, is that you’re gonna lose your best friend.” – Louis CK

LOL. I really love Louie (the show). Super smart, dark, depressing humor. That quote is from the first episode. Check it out if you’re looking for something to watch!

I like comedy that makes me think. After I listened to this, I was like:

He’s got a point. Your very best case scenario when you fall in love with someone is that you will have good times together and then one of you will die. And not many people even make it to that stage.

I talked to my friends recently about some people we knew who were in relationships and ended up both cheating on each other back in high school. I initially remarked “hah, high school relationships. That shit always happens”. Then I had to ammend my original statement when I thought about it and I changed it to “hah, all relationships. That shit always happens”.

Then we talked about some girls we know who have never been single. Well they were single at one point, but they lost their ability to be single by jumping from relationship to relationship without a breakup. Meaning they just found a new guy while they were with someone and jumped [relation] ship. I’ve talked about this before and I believe it has to do with the insecurity of being alone. A lot of people know they could find someone better, but they don’t want to be lonely, so they’ll stay latched onto someone while they search for someone else.

I’ve been single for a while now. Honestly, it feels pretty damn good. I’m alone, but I’m not lonely. There is a difference that a lot of people will never truly appreciate.

I have gone on a few dates and it’s kinda nice. Sometimes you go out with someone you think is really cool, but for some reason or the other you just end up not going out on any more dates. It’s an impermanent experience but it still permanently contributes to your life’s story. Like we may have only gone on one or two dates, but I have an insanely good memory so until the day I die, there were a few hours in both of our lives where we shared time together and a few things that we learned about each other. I think that’s kind of cool.

But, it is really hard to find single girls who I want to ask out. It’s not that hard finding single girls or girls who I want to ask out. It is a girl who is the combination of those two traits.

One big problem is I’m really picky. Not picky like I have list of deal breakers or that I actually judge someone when I talk to them. I have no actual requirements for someone I want to date. The thing is, when I want to date them, I know it.

I think most people know that feeling of attraction where you just meet someone and you get that “I want you” feeling. For some people, this feeling occurs all the time. For other people not so much. Me, I’m definitely the latter. It’s funny too just because I really don’t care what you’re into at all. I’m so open I could date any type of person. However, if I ain’t feelin it, I ain’t asking you out.

Which is an interesting role that leads me to not going out on a lot of dates as the guy is usually the pursuor. A girl who had the same pickiness as me would have to wade through a lot of crap to get someone worthwhile. Or she could reject a lot of guys, but no one likes rejection (either being rejected or being the rejecter). I’m sure plenty of girls settle just cause they go out with so many terrible people that in comparison, the guy who’s not-so-bad looks great by comparison. Then they meet someone who they like more, and they jump ship to that guy. Rinse and repeat until they find someone who they grow happy with and die eventually or just keep jumping ship until they’re old and less guys are pursuing them.

Damn.

My next, hopefully shorter, or forever, relationship

I was in a relationship for 7 years. That’s a long ass time. I feel like kind of an asshole cause I don’t want to ask out girls who have gotten out of a serious or long-term relationships but then I realize how it sounds when I say I was in a relationship for 7 years. That’s like 20 relationships for some people.

I’ve gone on a few random dates since then, but I haven’t gotten into a relationship. I was actually really scared that I would go from a long relationship into another long relationship. To use an analogy, I like Star Wars, and I like Lord of the Rings, but I don’t know if I would enjoy watching both trilogies back to back. Gotta break it up a little bit.

I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be in a short relationship. I hear a lot about people breaking up cause they got tired of each other or it got boring or there was just “no spark left”. It’s weird but I kind of want that feeling. I kind of enjoy the finality of getting rejected after a few dates. It’s like “Cool. That was fun. Enjoy the rest of your life”. I want to experience a relationship where we just learn a lot about each other and then realize that we’re not gonna be a “best case scenario” and we just say our goodbyes and go forward with our lives.

Cause lemme tell you this. I’m a best case scenario kinda guy. I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to get bored of me. I don’t get bored of people either, but I’m usually way more interesting than them, so it works out. I don’t expect anyone to be as interesting as me. There’s my daily narcissistic comment.

I just want to meet some girls and gobble up all their interesting life tidbits and then get bored of them and break up. I wonder if I can actually do that since I don’t get bored of people and people don’t get bored of me.

I talked to my ex-girlfriend before when she would add random guys she met at a club or frat event on Facebook so I thought I’d share my thoughts with you. I’m about to spill some guys’ secrets right now so if this is news to any ladies out there, you can thank me later as I give you tips on what to look for and some guys out there will probably want to beat me up for exposing them.

Like Louis CK said, relationships don’t last forever. Forget the best case scenario and think about the typical relationship. Not the first few dates, but after that step where you become an official couple. How long does the average couple last for? Back in middle school, a few days. High school? A few months. After that? Anywhere from a few months to 2 years.

Main point one is, guys really don’t care about whether or not you have a boyfriend (and they shouldn’t), to varying degrees. They’ll add girls on Facebook or get their number regardless of their current relationship status. Many girls won’t give out their number if they’re in a relationship, but some girls do. Facebook adds seem even more innocuous, but statistics from surveys show that Facebook is one of the leading contributers of relationships ending nowadays.

In most cases, that girl you added will be single eventually and you’ll get your shot if you so wish. If you’re in a relationship, you can tell when some guy is into your girl right away. There are two approaches as a boyfriend. You can be a jealous asshole and get up in your girlfriend’s face about it, and either scare her away from talking to these guys or end up having her leave you for one of them, or you can be an unjealous guy and not get up in your girlfriend’s face about it, and risk her talking to these guys and end up having her leave you for one of them. You don’t really have good options in this case.

For me and other people who aren’t total assholes, I may be attracted to you, but if you have a boyfriend, I’m not gonna message you or anything. In fact, you won’t even know I’m attracted to you if you’re in a relationship, because I’m not gonna flirt with you. I will never contribute to a break-up.

For plenty of other guys, they believe in the idea that it’s easier to score against one defender than to score against a whole team. All you have to do is beat out the current boyfriend.

Some random guy just met your girlfriend and posted on her wall saying “Hey! It was really nice meeting you :) You’re so much fun. Hope to see you again soon”. Or you’re out with her and you see some guy who keeps texting her. Or you’re hanging out with her and some guy is always messaging her. In your head, the “Aw Hell Naw” alert is blaring. I could always tell when a guy was trying to holler at my girlfriend.

This is good for me, cause I know exactly what not to say to prevent myself from hollering at girls in relationships.

Main point two is, if a guy writes on your wall or messages you after he just met you, he’s tryna holler. It doesn’t matter if you told him you have a boyfriend and he says he knows and he’s just looking for someone to talk to. You let your guard down and you start enjoying talking to them and well you know how the story goes after that.

Now there are some cases where this point isn’t actually true. There are a lot of people I meet who I really actually do want to tell something to that I didn’t get to tell them and I don’t want to holler at them when I message them or post on their wall. If you look at the message or the post, it should be obvious. People may think it’s tacky, but being obvious is the best approach when talking to someone you’re interested in.

Look for emoticons. I use a :) about 1 in 20 conversations with my friends. I use about 20 :)’s in 1 conversation with someone I’m interested in. If he be blowin up your phone and he be fuckin smiling at you all the damn time, stop talking to him unless you want your current relationship to end. No guy smiles that damn much.

I guess what I wanted to say is that most relationships don’t last forever so don’t be shocked if I (or any other guy) have you on my reserve list and once you’re single, I holler at you. At least I’ll wait until you’re single. Also don’t reciprocate when guys are messaging you unless you want them to keep messaging you. If you give someone an inch, they’ll take a mile.

This is mostly about emotional cheating, but I’ve always been interested in physical cheating. There are so many people who will mess around or sleep with someone else while they’re in a relationship. I’m not wired that way at all so I would never do that, and unfortunately (or fortunately) most of my friends would also never do that. It’s unfortunate because I have no insight on why people cheat in that way. I know some people who have cheated before and I always want to ask them for their story or for their motivations but it’s kind of a personal thing so I’ve never met anyone I was comfortable enough asking. If anyone reading this has cheated on people while in relationships before, can we become better friends and then can you tell me about it? Thanks.

I took the non-jealous approach with my ex and I just explained to her everything I’ve just told you. She appreciated the insight, and then went ahead and talked to these guys anyways. As the saying goes, you can lead a whore to water but you can’t force it to drink. Or was it “horse?”

I’m just kidding. I’d never call a woman a whore. Unless that’s their chosen profession. How come the word Horcrux makes me think of crucified whores?

That is the end of the entry.  Thanks for reading.