A few things I’ve learned from going clubbing for people’s birthdays recently

1. The birthday girl/guy usually gets too fucked up, too early.

2. I have the rhythm of a mentally challenged giraffe.

3. If you don’t wear deodorant or you just smell really bad, I hate you for dancing next to me.

4. Some of my female friends wouldn’t be able to wingwoman Romeo to Juliet.

5. Most people look way better in dim lighting.

6. There’s sometimes a 3:1 ratio of guys to girls and sometimes a 20:1 ratio of guys to good looking girls.

7. Some ugly people got high ass standards. It makes you wonder if you yourself are ugly and you have high standards since you consider them ugly. Then you look in the mirror and the answer is no. Still don’t know what their deal is.

In conclusion: If none of my friends ever throw a birthday party at a club ever again, I will have lost nothing of importance in my life.

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