Holiday Craziness

Suicide rates tend to increase during the Holiday season. Lately, there seems to have been a lot more crazy shit happening everywhere. Shootings. Suicides. Bomb threats. It’s sad that the holidays tend to bring out depression and mental anguish.

Why? Well to me, the holidays are supposed to be filled with friends, family, and love. This is what is portrayed in every type of media. What happens when you don’t have friends, family, or love? I imagine being bombarded with images of what you should have but don’t, can get definitely to you.

I’m a super positive person, and even I have been feeling a little out of it recently. My family’s at home, but my friends are always busy and I rarely see them nowadays, and I ain’t got no girlfriend to cuddle with when it gets cold. I work graveyard shift so I wake up late in the day and when it’s winter, sometimes it gets dark like a few hours after I wake up. You wanna feel trapped in a box? Try waking up when it’s already dark. Now I understand why S.A.D. is such a big deal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder).

But, I’m ok. As long as I get out of the house and go do stuff instead of staying in my room just cause it’s cold and dark, I’m good.

I wrote up an article during the Aurora shootings but I never posted it so I wanted to address these shootings.

I don’t care at all about the politics behind mass shootings. I’m really non-emotional so when I hear about these things I’m not empathetic where I just go “wow I feel so bad for those children/victims/people”. I imagine a lot of people are like that though. I don’t know the people personally so it’s hard for me to feel anything when I hear that a lot of people die.

However, what does get to me is reading the biographies of the victims or what people have to say about them. That’s the only way for me to recognize that these are real people and not just some news story. When I read statements from the parents talking about their kids and what their kids wanted to do in the future, what they wanted to become, or how they treated their friends and family, that’s when it gets to me. I read about how some kids wanted to be teachers or firefighters, and I think about what a shame it is that they had this dream that they only started stepping towards before it ended. In the case of Aurora, there were people who had just graduated college and were on their way to starting their dream careers. Whether you’ve just started pursuing your dreams, or you’ve put in years and years of work and are finally starting to live your dreams, it is incredibly sad when it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I can relate to them. I see myself getting shot down. I see my friends or my family talking about me and what I wanted to do. I see myself losing my friends or my family members and then I see how I would feel, and then I finally feel grief.

To me, the most tragic thing in the world is lost potential. I have experienced many things in life. I have pursued many things in life, yet there remains much left to experience much left to pursue. These kids had even more things than I do on their lists of things they have yet to experience and have yet to pursue, and unfortunately now they never will.

So, I’ll restate that I don’t give a damn about gun control or mental health policies. All I do is take in these stories and I remind myself to live life as if I could lose it at any moment and appreciate all that I have, knowing that one day, my lists of life experiences and things I have pursued will come to an end.

I hope that when that day comes I can say that I am satisfied with where my life went.

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